tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29324142292151959702024-02-08T08:06:42.244-08:00The Good Enough LifeAmanda (The Good Enough Life)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902470176400375786noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2932414229215195970.post-8425731887069057352016-02-19T13:20:00.005-08:002016-02-19T13:20:55.275-08:00Blessings Part 2It's amazing to me how we can think that we know what we need and we are actually so wrong. God knows us so much better than we know ourselves. And often what we need is so much harder to get to but the reward is so much greater than anything we could imagine.<br />
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When I look at who I want to be and what I want my family to look like I can paint a pretty clear picture for you. And I've had my own way of getting there. But God has been breaking down that way and showing me HIS way. His way is so much harder, but so much fuller. <br />
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These past six weeks have been life changing for me in so many ways. God has ripped open my heart and revealed so much to me. More and more this place is feeling like home. More and more I am seeing His purpose in bringing us here. I still don't have a complete understanding of why we're here, and it's possible that I never will, but I know that He is accomplishing things in me he never could have back in Chicago. <br />
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I've talked so much about my family and how I am viewing my role as a mom differently. And it's so true. Whereas before I would turn to my friends for comfort and encouragement, now I am turning to my family and to God. Don't get me wrong, I still strongly believe in the importance of community, but I am also so thankful for the blessing of family and I am learning to enjoy them so much more. I'm having fun developing traditions for just the five of us. My marriage has been strengthened so much by our time here. Just recently Brad commented that he has seen a part of my heart that he never saw before we moved here. I have seen my husband step up in ways I've never experienced before. I have seen him truly take the lead as the spiritual head of our family. It's a beautiful, messy, hard, wonderful work that is being done in our family.<br />
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But there is even more being done. I am getting to know my Savior more. The community that we are so blessed to be a part of is just amazing. I have never seen people care for each other this way before. It is so hard to put into words what an amazing, special place this is. And I am so thankful to be a part of it. I see the hands and feet of Jesus lived out in this community every day. I see God's people broken and I cannot ignore it. I have come to realize that where we used to live, it was so easy to ignore certain group of hurting people. Here, that's not possible. There are children in my son's class who cannot afford a winter coat. Children in my community who don't have running water or electricity. And my heart breaks for them. They cannot be ignored because I am faced with them almost every day. Sure, I can still turn away, but God is breaking my heart. Just like his heart breaks for them. And I honestly don't know what that means for me or my family, but I know that God is turning this into something beautiful. I am catching a glimpse of God's heart lived out through his people and it is truly a beautiful thing. I cannot wait to see what part he will have me play, but for now I will sit back and allow him to do his work in me to prepare me for what is to come. <br />
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In closing, I want to leave you with the words to the song that Brad and I have dubbed our "Rehoboth Song." We sang this song at church on our first Sunday here. In the middle of the song, we both looked at each other over the tops of our sons' heads with tears streaming down our faces, knowing that this is where God wants us. And we have no idea what lies ahead, but we are His and so we will trust.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Oceans by Hillsong</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b> </b> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
You call me out upon the waters<br />
The great unknown where feet may fail<br />
And there I find You in the mystery<br />
In oceans deep<br />
My faith will stand<br />
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I will call upon Your name<br />
And keep my eyes above the waves<br />
When oceans rise my soul will rest in your embrace<br />
For I am Yours and You are mine<br />
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Your grace abounds in deepest waters<br />
Your sovereign hand<br />
Will be my guide<br />
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me<br />
You've never failed and you won't start now<br />
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So I will call upon Your name<br />
And keep my eyes above the waves<br /><br />
When oceans rise<br />
My soul will rest in your embrace<br />
For I am Yours and You are mine<br />
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Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders<br />
Let me walk upon the waters<br />
Wherever You would call me<br />
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander<br />
And my faith will be made stronger<br />
In the presence of my Savior<br />
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I will call upon Your Name<br />
Keep my eyes above the waves<br />
My soul will rest in Your embrace<br />
I am Yours and You are mine</div>
Amanda (The Good Enough Life)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902470176400375786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2932414229215195970.post-71294803782545160842016-01-09T11:51:00.000-08:002016-01-09T11:52:08.441-08:00New Mexico Update"So, how are things going?"<br />
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I hate this question. I get asked this a lot in reference to our move. It's a good question, and I love that people are interested to hear how it has been for us since we moved. But I never know how to answer.<br />
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Things are good. Brad loves his job and is really flourishing in the hospital setting. We joined a wonderful church that is like a breath of fresh air to us at a time when we were feeling wounded and weary. We live in a wonderful community with lots of kids just down the street. I've been welcomed into a wonderful circle of friends and we are leading a great small group. Time and time again we have seen these people come through for each other and others in need. It is truly an example of what God wants the Church to be and we are so thankful to be part of it. Micah goes to a great preschool two mornings a week where he is flourishing. The boys are so happy to be living in an area with so much wonderful beauty and opportunities to get out in nature. They play outside daily and we go on family hikes whenever we can. The love getting dirty and exploring their new surroundings. Things have been going really well.<br />
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This is the answer everyone wants to hear. All of these things are true and we are so grateful for that. But it's not the whole truth.<br />
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The truth is I'm floundering. When this opportunity was first presented to us, Brad and I were so excited at all of the possibilities. We knew we would love the area and the people we would meet. We were excited about the opportunity to serve in the community. We were confident that God was going to use us and work in us in big ways. We just weren't sure what those ways were. But we also knew the reality of the situation, and we talked about it a great deal.<br />
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While this move could mean one step closer to financial freedom for us, it would come at a cost. Brad would be gone 11 hours every day. I know to many people that is nothing. But to me that is huge. I have always known that I couldn't marry a firefighter who might be away from his home for days at a time. I couldn't marry a man who had to travel a lot for his job. I wanted my husband home with his family as much as possible. One of the reasons we disliked Brad's old job so much was because of how inflexible they were with his time. He missed so much because he had to work weekends or couldn't easily take time off for family events. While Brad is now home every weekend, he misses most of the week. He often leaves right after breakfast and comes home as I am putting the boys to bed. I'm not used to this. I don't like this. Raising three young boys and being pregnant is exhausting. I'm weary. By time I'm putting the boys to bed, I'm at the end of my rope. And I often go to bed myself thinking I have to do it all over again tomorrow. My partner is missing. And it's hard.<br />
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I've also discovered I am a suburban girl through and through. I've always dreamed of being a country girl, but I think this is too country for me. I'm used to endless playdates, Bible study, mom's group, Target trips, Chick-fil-A, countless parks, small group, committees, family parties, mom's nights out, and the list goes on. I always had something to fill my time. But here I don't have that. Don't get me wrong, I have a mom's group, we're part of a small group, I attend a Bible study, but it's not the same. I am home with the boys way more than I ever was before. And it's been a hard adjustment. When I am tired of looking at the four walls of my own house, I have no where to go. There are no breaks.<br />
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But the hardest part is that I thought we were going to be used by God in a big way. I thought we were going to find a hole in ministry that we filled perfectly. That has not been the case. I'm sure there are opportunities that I am unaware of, but the reality of my situation has made it difficult to be used in the ways in which we thought we would be.<br />
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And I found myself being angry at God. Why? Why did he bring us here? I sacrificed so much, and for what? I thought we were doing what he wanted us to do. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I thought he was going to bless us. I thought he was going to see us through. I thought he would be faithful. And I just haven't been feeling any of that. For about a month, my poor husband never knew who he was coming home to. Was I going to spend all night crying about how I wanted to go home? Was I going to be mad because he made us come here? I did everything God wanted me to do, so why wasn't he keeping his end of the deal?<br />
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But then I started to think about it. There is one thing in this life I am certain of. I know who God wants me to be. I know God wants me to be a mom. I have been uniquely gifted to be the mom that my little boys need. I have always known this. I've never wanted anything more. I want so much for my children. I want them to grow up to love the Lord with all their hearts. I want them to love his people and to see them with his eyes. I want them to find their home to be a safe haven. A place where they feel safe and comfortable. A place where it's okay to mess up because they know they are loved unconditionally by their Heavenly Father and by their parents. I want them to learn how God has uniquely gifted them to be used by him. And all of this takes time and a lot of energy. It takes a lot of focused time, time spent pouring into them even when I feel like I have nothing left to give. And in Chicago, I was distracted. Distracted by good things, but distracted nonetheless. Every time I brought them to a playdate or we attended another Bible study. These are all good things, things I want my children to be part of and to see me be part of, but I was doing it in excess and that made them bad things. And you might think I just need to say no more often, but I didn't know how. I didn't want to. I was afraid of being stuck home all day alone with my children with nothing to do. I was afraid of boredom. And of failure. Being home means it's all up to me and what if I fail?<br />
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So, I firmly believe, God had to take me out of that place, away from those distractions in order to force me to stay home and truly focus on my family. Something my heart has desired all along but I have been afraid of. When I feel like I am losing my patience and I can't take one more minute, I can't run to Target. I have to deal with it. When my kids are going crazy because it snowed AGAIN and they haven't seen anyone who doesn't share their DNA in days I can't run to the park or the nearest Chick-fil-A. I have to deal with it. I have to take time to teach them how to resolve their conflict. To come up with fun new things to play. If I'm feeling worn out and I want time by myself, I don't have MOPS to look forward to or a coffee date with my best friend. I have to force myself to keep on keeping on. And it is hard. So, so hard. But I am already seeing the benefits of it. I am seeing God's blessings. When I sit down and truly evaluate where we are now versus where we were six months ago, I can see God's faithfulness. I see how well my boys get along. I see how much they look forward to our time spent together. I see how Judah goes to his big brother for comfort or help. I see how Micah cuddles up in my lap and tells me how much he loves me and then wants to talk about Heaven or the Bible or Jesus. I see how God has put in my heart Scripture that I can use when disciplining or instructing the boys. I see how my marriage has grown and strengthened because we have to lean on each other more now than ever before. And I see the possibilities. I see how my homeschooling can flourish because I am away from all those distractions. I see how my relationship with God can strengthen because I don't have those things stealing my time (don't get me wrong..there are always things stealing my time, but not being home enough is no longer one of them). And I see how I am surrounded by like minded people and I am encouraged. I see that God truly did have a plan through all of this, it's just a little different than what we were expecting.<br />
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And it's still hard. And I still get angry and frustrated and upset. It's hard when you're being molded. But pottery has to go through the fire to come out the beautiful end product. And I still will jump at any chance I have to go back home, but I'm recognizing this place for what it is. And I'm finding the beauty in it. And I see God's faithfulness and I have the promise that he will continue to be faithful, and each day it makes it a little bit easier. I don't know if this place will every completely feel like home, but I know without a doubt someday I will look back on this time and I will sing of God's faithfulness and how he brought me through the fire so that I could be the woman he wanted me to be, and I will be forever grateful.Amanda (The Good Enough Life)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902470176400375786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2932414229215195970.post-50053458704691441492016-01-01T09:52:00.000-08:002016-01-01T09:52:11.933-08:00JOYI know it's been quite a while since I last updated. A lot has been going on and I've wanted to write, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. But I am determined that this year I am going to more consistently write. So, I'm starting the year off on the right foot!<br />
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New Year's is one of my favorite times of the year. I love the newness of it. I love looking ahead at the year and seeing a blank slate. Knowing that I have the power to determine how it will be filled. I love the fresh start that it brings, the chance to set new goals. In the past I have made a list of several goals that I want to accomplish in the new year. These goals ranged from reading a certain number of books to eating healthy to writing a certain number of letters each month. While making goals like this can be a good thing, several years ago I stopped making goals. Instead, I chose one word to focus on for the whole year. This word drives my goal setting. It helps me focus on an idea rather than something I have to <i>do</i>. It's not something I can perfect so I don't feel like such a failure when I forget. <br />
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Several months ago, God brought a word to my mind and I instantly knew it would be my word for 2016. The word is joy. Honestly, joy is something I have not experienced a lot of lately. <br />
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When we first moved to New Mexico I was full of excitement over all the new things we were going to do and place we were exploring. I didn't mind all of the time home alone with the kids. But after a while I started to sink into monotony. First I got bored, then I got frustrated and discouraged. I stopped making the most of my time and instead gave in to self-pity. I wasn't finding joy in my family and I wasn't doing things that brought me joy. And things got worse and worse. I was so focused on myself and how much I miss my friends and family at home that I was missing out on the wonderful things that are right here in front of me. I'm sure this is all a normal part of adjusting to such a drastic move, but it's not how I want to live my life.<br />
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So I have decided to choose joy. Instead of focusing on all that I miss about our old life "back home," I'm going to focus on the wonderful new experiences I have here. I'm going to stop worrying about all the things I "should" be doing and start spending more time doing the things that bring me joy. Things like reading. And writing. Baking. Playing games. I will never be okay with my husband being gone 11 hours every day, but I get to choose how I spend that time with my children. I'm going to spend it doing things that I enjoy. Coloring with them. Doing puzzles. Going on adventures.<br />
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Joy is a choice. I get to choose my attitude. I'm not saying that it's going to be easy. I know that some days will end in a big pity part. And that's okay because I will give myself grace. But I don't want to miss out on this time that I have. I want to have fun and enjoy this life that I've been given. I want to laugh more. And I am looking forward to seeing all that 2016 has in store for me.Amanda (The Good Enough Life)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902470176400375786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2932414229215195970.post-33657164412490933172015-08-18T19:37:00.000-07:002015-08-18T19:37:40.614-07:00Recovery is Two Steps Forward and One Step BackSeveral people have asked me to update my blog. I know people want to know how things are going down here in New Mexico, but the truth is I don't know what to write about. I have started several new posts but never quite finish them because I just don't know what to say. There's so much. And I don't know what people really want to know.<br />
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But one thing about me is it's hard for me to not just be honest. I'm definitely a "bare your soul" kind of person. I don't do shallow or small talk very well. So, I'm just going to go with what is on my heart right now.<br />
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Moving is hard.<br />
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I knew it was going to be hard. I knew that Brad would be gone more hours so more responsibility would fall on me. I knew the kids would need to adjust just as much as we do. I knew that I would have to discover the best place to do my grocery shopping or which park is the coolest. I knew that it would take time to build friendships, especially the deep, soul-quenching type of friendships I crave so much. I knew it would be a while before Brad and I got to go out on a date just the two of us. I knew that not being able to go to my parents' house whenever I want would be really hard. I knew that not being able to throw the kids in the car on a bad day and walk around Target aimlessly would be hard.<br />
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But I didn't know it would be this hard. I don't think I could know because this goes beyond a knowledge and into the experience. The hardest part is parenting through all of this. My boys have handled this whole thing like troopers, but it has not been without its own bumps in the road. Whether it's just their own way of adjusting or their response to the lack of routine or even perhaps our own lack of discipline in the house, their behaviors have been very trying. And, if you recall, I am a recovering perfectionist, which makes it even worse. I put on myself this idea that I have to have perfect children so when they act out or act crazy I am doubly stressed. I feel like everyone is watching and judging, even if I've been given no reason to feel this way. And when you're the new girl, you already feel the pressure to impress. I have doubted my own parenting more in these past two months than ever before.<br />
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But I keep coming back to the same thing. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_aY2M5hxyw">This</a> clip from one of my favorite movies, <i>Mom's Night Out</i>, sums it up perfectly. God did not make a mistake when he gave me my three little boys. He knew their personalities and struggles. He knew their strengths and weaknesses. And he knew that I would be the best mom for them. Most days I question whether God really knew what he was doing, but the truth is he did. And on those days when I question him, I am reminded that I do not have to do this alone. It is by his strength that I get through every day. He promises me enough for today. I may not have any left over at the end of the day, but I have enough for the day. And when I remember that I am not alone on this journey, he is always by my side I remember that I am going to make it through. We <b><i>will </i></b>come out of this. Some day, my children <b><i>will</i></b> stop throwing temper tantrums. Some day I <b><i>will </i></b>stop worrying about what all the other moms think of me. Some day, I <b><i>will</i></b> truly find my identity in Christ and who he made me to be rather than who I think everyone else wants me to be. <br />
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That's the thing about being a recovering perfectionist. You're always re-learning the same lesson. It's two steps forward and one step back, but in the end, you are not where you started. Amanda (The Good Enough Life)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902470176400375786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2932414229215195970.post-85576981811487410362015-07-15T20:16:00.002-07:002015-07-15T20:17:26.698-07:00God's Blessings Part 1I'm going to be honest for a minute here.<br />
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Being a mom is hard.<br />
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Way harder than I ever imagined. When I thought of being a stay at home mom, I though of baking cookies with my kids and playing games together. Going for nice walks to the park. Playdates with friends. Easy naptimes and family fun Fridays where we all sit around the TV and watch a movie together.<br />
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All of these are nice things. And all can be reality, just not as perfectly as I had imagined. My boys love to bake with me, but it always winds up in a mess and everyone is fighting over the best spot on the step ladder. Don't even get me started on walking to the park. What should take 10 minutes takes at least a half hour because we have to stop every 5 steps to pick up a stone or look at the ant walking in the street or we're fighting over who is going to push the stroller. Needless to say, being a mom is not easy.<br />
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But lately I have discovered that because things weren't going my way parenting was even harder. I had a hard time finding the joy. The constant interruptions to my day were a nuisance. I was being selfish. I was focusing on how my kids poky-ness (that is totally a word) was messing with <i>my</i> schedule. They were happy and content playing with trains, but <i>I </i>wanted to bake cookies. Micah wanted me to sit down and do a puzzle with him but <i>I</i> wanted to read my book. My day was focused around me. I was more worried about what I wanted to do than I was about my children. And it was robbing me of my joy. I was passing on snuggles and tickles and laughs because it didn't fit into <i>my</i> plans for the day.<br />
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Anyone who knows me knows that I am constantly reading. Lately, my books have centered around being a Godly mom. Someone who points her children to Jesus. One common theme the books have is giving up your own selfish desires. When we become moms, we lay down ourselves for the sake of our children. I'm not talking about never doing anything for ourselves. I believe that is wrong on so many levels. But it means our focus is on our kids. We have them home for such a short time. We only get so many snuggles and tickles before their too big and too cool for them anymore.<br />
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When we first started getting all the details of our move and found out that Brad would actually be away from home longer we both had our doubts. Brad knows I am a person who needs my time everyday. I need time to read and be alone or I can become very grumpy. His new schedule would make this very hard. But, still, we prayed about it and decided if this is what God is calling us to, He will change my heart and get me through this time.<br />
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And let me tell you, He has done just that! With encouragement from the books I have been reading, I have found more joy in my children and home in the three weeks that we have been here than in the three months before. I wake up every morning and spend time in Scripture. Sometimes it's a half hour, sometimes its five minutes, but I am starting the day focused on Him, and he, in turn, gives me the grace to focus on my children. Yes, I am tired at the end of the day, but I am truly enjoying playing with my kids. Going to the park with them. Building them tracks. I'm more intentional about disciplining them, taking the time to point them to God's Word to help direct their behavior. We're listening to music together, reading piles and piles of books. And yes, even cooking together.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, I have always loved my children. I have always loved being a mom and I would not trade it for anything in the world. It's just that my focus was more on the playdates and naptime then the actual hard work of mothering.<br />
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But already I am experiencing one of the blessings of God because we were obedient to God's call to come here to New Mexico. I am sad for all of the joy that I missed out on and I don't even want to think what it would be like if we had not followed God's call to come here. Now, I am eager to see what other blessings He has in store for us.Amanda (The Good Enough Life)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902470176400375786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2932414229215195970.post-87419234729202776642015-07-07T13:25:00.000-07:002015-07-07T13:25:26.426-07:00AnythingWhen this whole journey to New Mexico started, I kind of felt like I was just following my husband's lead. He's never before felt God speak to him so clearly, and I have never before seen him lead our family so strongly. So I knew I had to follow him. We've had many conversations about this journey. We've gone through many reason why God has brought us here. To help us become financially free? So that we could volunteer at Rehoboth School? To live a simpler life? To grow closer together as a family? So that I could start a mom's group? Does it have to do with people Brad will serve at work? For the boys?<br />
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I still have no idea why God has brought us here. Maybe all of these reasons have some validity. Maybe none of them. But I can already tell you this move has changed my life. I have honestly seen this move as more about Brad. Or the boys. It doesn't have much to do with me. I'm just along for the ride. But I am discovering that I am so wrong. I thought that picking up my life and moving 1500 miles away from everyone I know was good enough. I thought I had done a good thing. God was proud of me for trusting Him in this and now everything is going to fall into place. I would love for it to work out like that, and maybe it will, but my job is not over. <br />
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God doesn't look at my obedience and trust in moving here and say, "Way to go, Amanda! You passed the test. Now everything else in life will go exactly as you want it." No, moving here was only the beginning of my surrender. <br />
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Ever since we got here a week ago, I've been wrestling with God. I have felt him telling me there is more. More than I can even imagine. But I have to surrender. Everything. I have to surrender all that I have been clinging so tightly to. My security. My comfort. My things. I have to be willing to give him anything he wants. That doesn't mean he's going to take it all away from me, but until I surrender completely to Him, I will not be able to experience the full blessing that He wants to give me. <br />
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But the truth is I'm not ready for that yet. I still want to hold on to my comfort. My security. I like watching TV at night or having a closet full of clothes. And so we wrestle. I know what I have to do, but I don't want to. But the funny thing is, I can't run away from Him. He is everywhere. Turning my heart toward Him so that soon I have nowhere else to go but to Him. <br />
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I started reading <i>Anything</i> by Jennie Allen before we left. I had seen it recommended on a blog I read and it sounded like it fit with what I was going through. In the beginning, the book was not what I expected, but it quickly was exactly what I needed. A book about surrendering it all to God so that He can do more than you could ever imagine. So that He can fill you so completely it won't matter what you're going through because you have Jesus. I am undone by this book. It has spoken to me like no book I've ever read has. I'm not ready for surrender, but this book was a gift from God, pushing me in that direction. I want to give Him my all. I want to surrender everything so that he can have anything he wants. And I know the time will come soon when I will be able to say that and honestly mean it. And I cannot wait to see what it is for. To see what work He is going to do. <br />
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Maybe this journey is really about me and surrendering completely to God. Maybe he had to bring me 1500 miles away from everything and everyone I know so that He could capture my heart. Amanda (The Good Enough Life)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902470176400375786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2932414229215195970.post-44448567042540904572015-06-19T21:09:00.000-07:002015-06-19T21:09:13.751-07:00CommunityWe were made for community. Everyone wants to feel like they have a place where they belong. When we first started talking about moving down to New Mexico my biggest hesitation was leaving our community. It has taken me years to feel like I finally found a place where I belong. Brad and I are part of a wonderful small group. They feel like family to us and we know leaving them will be hard.<br />
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I have always longed to have the kind of friends that my children can call "auntie" or whose houses I can walk right into. I wanted friends who would come over at the last minute because we both have nothing to do so we might as well do nothing together. Friends who I could share my struggles with and know that they truly would pray for me. Friends to walk alongside me and just do life together.<br />
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Our small group is just that. We have found three amazing couples who encourage us and challenge us all the time. When we first told them about this opportunity they were nothing but supportive despite their own desires for us to stay here. I love seeing the people of God come together and forming their own family. I truly believe that this is how God intended us to live. I love my family but my favorite part of my family is the people who are not truly part of my family but have become like family to me. And I realize that is not something everyone finds. We are lucky. We opened ourselves up to others. We shared our struggles with them. We were honest with them. And they reciprocated. They didn't criticize us or cast us out of the group. They continued to welcome us with open arms and they opened up about their own struggles. They started to be honest with us. I love it when God's people live together in community like that. <br />
<br />
That is no small feat. I know how scary it can be. It takes a lot of trust and vulnerability, but we have been greatly blessed because of it. It's not just our small group either. We have developed some really amazing friendships with several other families in our church, and even an old friend from high school. People who are a constant source of encouragement and support. It is so hard knowing that we are leaving them behind. Knowing that we will never find anything else quite like the friendships we have here. But it's also such an encouragement, knowing that we go with their prayers and support. Hearing promises of e-mailing and plans for days together when we return home. Even plans to come visit us. If we didn't have the love and support of our extended family I don't think we'd be able to do this. It has made this crazy adventure all the more a reality. <br />
<br />
I'm not looking forward to leaving these precious friendships behind, but I am looking forward to seeing how we continue to grow in community while we are gone. And how we develop new friendships to add to our family. I am so excited to see exactly what God has in store for us and how He will continue to show His faithfulness.Amanda (The Good Enough Life)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902470176400375786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2932414229215195970.post-18173123665089432262015-05-28T01:42:00.001-07:002015-05-28T01:42:24.055-07:00WeirdWeird. Radical.<br />
<br />
For two years we've been throwing around words like these. We've been talking about what it means to live sold out for God. To follow whatever He tells you to do. We want to live a legacy of obedience for our children. When we talk about people we want to be like it's always people who are not afraid to go on adventures. People who are willing to serve God whatever the cost.<br />
<br />
We want to be weird and radical. But we never imagined what that would mean for us. A little over a month ago, Brad and I flew down to New Mexico so that he could interview at a hospital down there. To find out how we got to his point, you can read more about it <a href="http://livingagoodenoughlife.blogspot.com/2015/04/following-my-husbands-lead.html">here</a>. Yesterday, Brad accepted a position at the hospital down there. In about a month, we will be moving our whole family down to New Mexico. It's very exciting. There is so much to look forward to. We are especially excited about the chance to live at the school. When we were there for Brad's interview, everyone we told about the school had heard of it and spoke very highly of it. We are excited to be part of such a wonderful ministry in the community. We're not completely sure what our role will be, but we are ready and willing to be used however God wants to.<br />
<br />
We're not naive about this transition. We know it's going to be hard to be so far away from all of our friends and family, but we also know that we are doing what God wants us to do. That means He goes before us and prepares the way. It's comforting to know that God is with us. We've been clinging to Joshua 1:9 where God says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." These words are very encouraging as we start this new journey. I don't know what God has planned for us, but I know that he goes with us. This journey is weird. It's radical. And I'm so excited to be on it.Amanda (The Good Enough Life)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902470176400375786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2932414229215195970.post-48909028735426445702015-05-09T13:12:00.000-07:002015-05-26T18:54:04.701-07:00Mother's Day 2015I've always known I wanted to be a mom. It's what I was made for. But in the four and a half years that I've been a mom I've discovered that fulfilling your dream is a lot of pressure. Your "dream" is what you live your whole life for. You think that your life is not enough until that dream has been fulfilled. So we strive so hard towards this goal, thinking that once we reach it everything will be great. Everything will just fall into place and it will finally be our happily ever after.<br />
<br />
But the reality is that doesn't come.<br />
<br />
Sure, you can fulfill your dream. I became a mom on October 31, 2010. But since then, my life has been anything but perfect. I fell in love with Micah the moment he was put on my chest and I got to look at his little blue eyes. I loved holding him close to me knowing that I was all he needed. But it didn't take long for me to realize he was not all I needed.<br />
<br />
Being a mom can sometimes be so lonely. I wasn't ready for that. I'm home all day with three boys, ages four and under. I'm surrounded by whining and crying and diapers and little noises that are completely not understandable. I have to be the judge, the peacemaker, the cook, the personal assistant, the train engineer, the maid, the activity coordinator, and so much more. And often that's in the first 15 minutes of my day.<br />
<br />
I know there are other moms going through the same thing I am. I've talked with them. Other moms who are desperate for some time away from their home. Who just want someone else to talk to using words that are longer than two syllables. But we don't have time for that. There is too much to do. And it can start to feel like this dream that I've dreamt of my whole life is not all it was cracked up to be.<br />
<br />
The truth is I would not trade my life for anything in the world. Being a mom is so rewarding. For all the fights I have to break up and the bickering back and forth there are moments when they are playing together so well. Moments where one brother is looking out for the other. And several times a day, I hear, "Mommy, I love you to the moon and back" randomly. These boys are my life. But when I put my self-worth in them and I start measuring my success by them it all falls to pieces.<br />
<br />
Because no one is more aware of how I fail them than I am. '<br />
<br />
When I think about fulfilling my dream, I expect perfection. And it didn't take long for me to realize that I will never be the perfect mom. But I keep striving for it. And I keep disappointing myself. So, instead of seeing my children and my role as mom as my dream fulfilled, I am seeing them as the blessing they are. I've been trusted with these three amazing blessings from God. He trusts me to care for them and love them and teach them about His love. But he doesn't expect perfection from me. And he doesn't expect me to do it on my own. He has given me His grace. He has given me His Word to guide me and help me. This journey is not an easy one. I still struggle every day. I fear I'm going to mess my kids up forever. I still want to be the best and give my best at everything, but I'm learning there is grace. Grace for me. And grace for my children because I will never get it all right.<br />
<br />
So, I'm taking the pressure off myself. My role as mother is an amazing gift. But it's just that: a gift. So I'm going to enjoy it. Because they're only little for such a short amount of time.Amanda (The Good Enough Life)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902470176400375786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2932414229215195970.post-38088829972100711442015-04-27T20:26:00.002-07:002015-04-27T20:26:32.834-07:00Following my Husband's Lead<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Honey,
would you tell me if I was crazy?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Those
are not the words you want to be woken up with in the middle of the night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that’s exactly how my husband woke me up
almost three months ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, he
proceeded to lay out this plan for me that he thinks God is calling him (us)
to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a pharmacist, he has accrued a
significant amount of student debt and we had recently decided that we wanted
to aggressively attack that debt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Work
was also becoming more stressful for him and we were discovering just how
un-flexible his schedule is and how nice it would be for him to have a job that
allows him to be home more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The night he
woke me up, he was driving home from work when he was hit with an idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He remembered hearing that the Indian Health
Services offers loan-repayment programs for pharmacists that work in some of
the most under-served area.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I was
sleeping, he stayed up researching the program.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In college, I did my student teaching at a small Christian school near
Gallup, NM.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I left New Mexico, Brad
remembers me saying I didn’t feel my story was done there yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also remembers how much I loved the school
and the community there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He figured if
he could find a hospital with an open pharmacy position near the school it
might be something worth pursuing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure
enough, the hospital in Gallup is not only part of the program, but also had an
opening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By time he woke me up, he had
it all figured out. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He could work at the
hospital and we could live on the school campus each volunteering our time
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We would have no problem making
friends and our children would experience a wonderful culture, a great sense of
community, and live in one of the most beautiful places in the United States.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Fast forward almost three months
later, we’re still pursuing this crazy thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A couple weeks ago we put our house on the market (something that was
planned even before this crazy thought!).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Last week, we made a quick trip out to New Mexico for an interview and a
chance to see the hospital and talk to the school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We still don’t know what is going to
happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My husband is convinced that God
is calling us to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For nearly two years,
we’ve been throwing around words like “weird” and “radical” when talking about
our faith and here we are with an opportunity to live out those words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the outside, this might appear to be a
very brave thing, but the truth is I’m terrified.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have made many long-distance trips away
from my family, but I have never moved away from them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I have never moved my whole family to a
place where we know no one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The truth is
I’m terrified.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gallup is a fairly remote
area with no Target in sight!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to
start over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m scared of being in my
house all day with my children while my husband is at work meeting new
people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m scared of not being
connected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m scared of my children
being away from their grandparents and celebrating birthdays and holidays
alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Even
though these fears are real and very possible I’m trusting both my husband and
God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m trusting that my husband is
following the lead of the Lord and doing what He wants us to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m trusting that my husband is listening for
the Lord’s leading in our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m
trusting that God will be by my (our!) side the whole time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If this is God’s plan for our lives, we do
not go alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He will give us his
peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He prepares the way for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That does not mean it is going to be
easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I, personally, have found great
solace in the story of Moses leading the Israelites into the Promised
Land.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even though Moses was doing what
God told him to do, he was met with obstacles the whole way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But in the end, the Israelites made it and
they had God’s physical presence with them in the form of the pillar of fire
and cloud the entire time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m holding
onto that promise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The promise that God
knows what He is doing and He is with me every step of the way, I need only trust
Him.</span></div>
Amanda (The Good Enough Life)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902470176400375786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2932414229215195970.post-17573743775596061942015-02-19T12:28:00.001-08:002015-02-19T12:28:27.145-08:00RestI've been thinking about rest a lot these past several months. I'm not talking about sleep (though as the mom of three children ages 4 and under sleep is never far from my mind), I'm talking about rest. Slowing down and just being still. Rest.<br />
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Rest is not something I'm good at. I always want to be doing everything. I like to be involved in as many activities as I can and that did not change once I had children. I know that as my boys get older there will be even more opportunities for them to be involved in activities. I know how important it is for us to set the tone now before our schedule starts to overtake us.<br />
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Several months ago, this tension between desiring rest and wanting to be part of everything came to a head for me. We had several different things going on and I felt so overwhelmed. I knew that I had too much on my plate because I was often very short with my husband and my children rarely got to be at home and play. My life was full of good things, but it was too full. I knew that something had to give, but I wanted to do everything that I was doing. <br />
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One night, Brad and I sat down and had a very long conversation. Together, we decided that it was time to start cutting back on our schedule. We looked at our schedule and decided on a couple of things to cut out, including my women's Bible study night and my leadership positions with my mom's group. This helped to make our marriage a priority as well as give me time to focus on the kids at home. It especially helped me schedule time regularly for homeschooling with Micah, which is something that was very important to us. It was extremely difficult for me to make these cuts. I loved these groups and the women I got to spend time with as a result of being in these groups. <br />
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It has now been three months since I stepped down and it has been a wonderful time of rest for my whole family. The time spent with my children has been such a blessing. My marriage has grown and we have prioritized our time together. I don't know why I was so hesitant to make these changes. I guess I was afraid I would miss out. But God knew what He was doing when He made rest one of His commandments. The purpose of rest is not just to be lazy. It's actually a blessing from God. He wants us to stop our busyness and slow down. To enjoy what is right in front of us. I've been studying Moses and the Israelites this year. At one point, God even commanded that they take a full year off and celebrate His faithfulness. I'm sure they questioned the practicality of that. They had to fully trust God and rely on His provisions. But that is a hard thing to do. There's always more to do and we wonder how it will all get done. If we take a day off there's no way that everything we need to do will get done. But the truth is we can get it all done. And we will be blessed beyond anything we could imagine because we are obeying the Lord. <br />
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I can personally attest to the blessings of taking that time to rest. I am still learning so much through this time of rest, but I am excited to see what God is going to teach us as we continue to follow Him and trust Him for all of our needs.Amanda (The Good Enough Life)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902470176400375786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2932414229215195970.post-55734617881974550922015-01-08T13:45:00.002-08:002015-01-08T13:45:24.484-08:00One Word--IntentionalNew Year's Eve is my holiday. I love everything about it. I love looking back on the past year and thinking about everything that has happened. I love eating junk food and telling yourself it's the last time because tomorrow is a new year and a new you. I love staying up late and spending time with family and friends. I love playing games, watching movies, standing outside on my back deck and watching fireworks from the town square. <br />
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But by far my favorite is waking up the next morning to a new start. I love that I get to decide who I want to be and now is the perfect time to start making those changes to be that person. I am a goal-oriented person. I really do well with goals, they give me a focus and help get me to where I want to go. Every year in the week between Christmas and New Year's I like to work on setting new goals for myself. I look at all areas of my life: spiritual, my role as a wife, a mom, a friend, my health, recreational, etc. There are always changes I want to make, and while I know I can start working towards those changes at any time there's just something about New Year's that just really motivates me.<br />
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Several years ago I was introduced to the idea of choosing <a href="http://myoneword.org/">one word</a> to focus my year. I immediately loved this idea. One word to help me set goals. One word to help me make decisions, to really focus on. I am a firm believer that I don't actually choose my word. Instead, God has always put a word on my heart several weeks before the new year begins. I know that it's what I'm supposed to choose. <br />
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This year, my word is intentional.<br />
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I want to be more intentional in all areas of my life. Recently, I have decided to slow down. I'm cutting out activities and creating more time in my life. Now I have to decide what I'm going to do with that time. I want to be intentional with what I choose to do. Part of being intentional means reaching out to others and strengthening friendships or creating new ones. Regularly inviting people to our house to join us in sharing a meal. Calling a friend and asking if she wants to get together for coffee to just chat. Making time to call my long-distnace friends and catch up. Inviting a new mom to my house for a playdate.<br />
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It means spending my time with my kids wisely. Rather than getting on the computer to check facebook it means choosing to spend time playing with them. Choosing activities for my children that have a purpose. They can be fun, but when deciding between activities (or whether to do something or not), I will ask myself how this fits into my goal to be intentional this year. <br />
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Being intentional means making time to be with my husband. Ignoring the mess around us and sitting down on the couch to talk with him. Making date night a priority (we've even put it on the calendar for a specific day each month). Setting aside time each week to talk about the "business" things we need to discuss together so that they don't get forgotten. <br />
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I love how this one word can drive so much that I do. It's like the measuring stick I use when deciding what to do or how to spend my time. This year I want to be more intentional. What one word do you want to focus on this year?Amanda (The Good Enough Life)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902470176400375786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2932414229215195970.post-57600581611102470172014-12-28T10:31:00.003-08:002014-12-28T10:31:43.656-08:00Let the Little Children ComeJesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14<br />
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I have always had a heart for children. Jesus says that the kingdom of heaven belong to them. He holds them in high esteem. But so many today do not. We see children as a distraction. They get in the way of our plans. They make things so much more difficult. They are unimportant. But that simply is not true. In Matthew 18, Jesus tells us to be like children. He never tells the little children to act more grown up, to stop playing around, to sit still. No, he tells the grown ups to act more like children. Particularly, in the way in which we worship. I have always enjoyed watching children worship. They don't care what is going on around them. They just have to <i>move</i>. They experience the music with their whole body. They are so moved that they cannot sit still and listen, their whole bodies have to join them in worship. And when they know the words to the song they can't help but SING. I love when the little kids sing with all their hearts, yelling from the top of their lungs. They are completely unaware of what is going on around them because their focus is on worshipping. <br />
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Something happens as we get older. We become self-conscious and start worrying more about what others around us will think then what our Maker thinks. We become more concerned with what we are getting out of church then what we are bringing to church. Suddenly, Sunday morning is about how long service went over and how that cuts into <i>my</i> time. We care more about what we get out of the service than how we are worshipping God through the service. Somewhere along the way, church stops being about God and starts being about me. <br />
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There are so many reasons that we have chosen to keep our four year old in service with us. But the biggest reason is because he matters to God. He's important. God does not push him aside. God welcomes him to His table and I never want him to feel rejected by God or His people. When I see my son dancing during the singing it brings me so much joy. I think it's a little glimpse of what Heaven will be like. He is filled wish so much joy and excitement. He loves listening to the songs and he can't help himself, he has to move. And when the offering basket is passed he gives his little coins so willingly and cheerfully. I worry about getting the basket passed to the next person quickly, but he wants to talk about what he's doing. "I have to put the coin in here, Mommy?" "This money goes to God?" "What is God going to do with my money?" "Look Mommy, I'm putting my coins in here." <br />
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There is no doubt that the hardest part of keeping him in the service is during the sermon. He's a typical four-year-old. It's hard for him to sit still. He doesn't understand much of what is being said. He has <b>lots</b> of questions. It's hard. I spend so much of the sermon talking to him, telling him to be quiet, sit still, explaining things to him, answering questions, reading the Bible with him, etc. I honestly miss probably at least 60% of the sermon because I'm distracted by him. But he's worth it. He has real questions. He wants to know why Sarah laughed when God told her she would have a baby. He doesn't understand that she would just believe what God said. He wants to know why Jesus had to die on the cross. Why did the men want to hurt him? He hears what the pastor is saying. He reads the story in his Bible. I have to explain a lot to him. But in my explaining I am also learning a lot. His questions are so real and genuine, questions that I am afraid to ask myself. Things that I just read past and don't even think about. Things that I just accept without even thinking why or how.<br />
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I know my son is a distraction sometimes, but he's learning. He sees me and my husband and other adults he knows coming to church every Sunday. He sees us singing songs in worship. He sees us liftting others up in prayer. He sees us reading our Bible and listening to the pastor's teaching. But most importantly, he sees us accepting him and teaching him. He sees that he is loved by his church family. He sees that he is important in God's eyes. And me? I feel like I get to experience just a little bit what it will be like in Heaven someday when all ages join together and sing and dance and praise God with uninhibited joy. When together none of us will care about what is going on around us because we will be all-consumed with praising Jesus. And He will welcome each of us with open arms just as we are.<br />
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<br />Amanda (The Good Enough Life)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902470176400375786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2932414229215195970.post-51075443114448760532014-11-06T20:11:00.000-08:002014-11-06T20:11:05.674-08:00Good EnoughWhen I was in high school youth group a phrase that was repeated often was "If better is possible, then good is not enough." I loved this saying. I took it to heart. Maybe a little too much.<br />
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I am your stereotypical type-A perfectionist and this phrase really resonated with me. If I'm going to do something, I never give less than 100%. If something can be done "better" then that's how I'm going to do it. But since becoming a mom four years ago, I have discovered this is a phrase I actually need to let go of. <br />
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In the age of facebook and pinterest, it is easy to think that everyone else has it all together. Beautiful pictures of delicious, home cooked meals, posts about how well siblings are playing together, children doing nice craft projects to send to their grandparents. The pressure to be perfect is everywhere. I dived in to motherhood head first. I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to make delicious meals for my family every night, do wonderful crafts with my children, play games and do fun learning activities, take them to regular playdates, and do it all while looking cute and stylish. <br />
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After four years of being a mom, I have finally come to the conclusion that that's not possible. I can't do it all. I don't know who I've been trying to impress all this time. I'm learning that good is enough. I still want to give 100%. But that doesn't mean I have to do it all. It's okay if most days we stay in our pajamas. It's okay if all we do all day is play trains. It's okay if we're eating chicken nuggets for dinner. Again. I don't have to be perfect. No one has ever asked perfection of me. I just have to be who I was created to be. I have to be the wife, the mom, the daughter, the friend that the Lord has made me to be. That means failing in some areas. That means settling for good when better is possible. <br />
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Because better is always possible. And if I'm always chasing after better I will never be content. I will always be running, always tired, always chasing after something I won't be able to achieve. Because someone will always be a better homeschooler than me. Someone will always be a better cook than me. Someone will always be more thoughtful, have more time. And if I'm chasing after better I'm going to miss what is right here in front of me. I'm going to miss my little boys growing up. I will miss the way my middle son's face lights up when he hears "If You're Happy and You Know It" or my oldest asking me for one more "squirt hug" because "I love you and I have to show you." I'll miss the way my youngest looks at me and smiles with his whole body. And all of that is so much better. That's the better I want to chase after. <br />
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I'm tired of running. Tired of trying to be better. I'm ready to stop and accept good. It's not going to be easy. And that doesn't mean that I won't be doing new activities with my children or trying new recipes. It just means that I'm going to give myself a break and enjoy the life that I have without worrying about how I can be doing better. What about you? Are you tired of trying to be better? Won't you join me and enjoy this life. Let's accept good enough together.Amanda (The Good Enough Life)http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902470176400375786noreply@blogger.com0