Friday, February 19, 2016

Blessings Part 2

It's amazing to me how we can think that we know what we need and we are actually so wrong.  God knows us so much better than we know ourselves.  And often what we need is so much harder to get to but the reward is so much greater than anything we could imagine.

When I look at who I want to be and what I want my family to look like I can paint a pretty clear picture for you.  And I've had my own way of getting there.  But God has been breaking down that way and showing me HIS way.  His way is so much harder, but so much fuller. 

These past six weeks have been life changing for me in so many ways.  God has ripped open my heart and revealed so much to me.  More and more this place is feeling like home.  More and more I am seeing His purpose in bringing us here.  I still don't have a complete understanding of why we're here, and it's possible that I never will, but I know that He is accomplishing things in me he never could have back in Chicago.

I've talked so much about my family and how I am viewing my role as a mom differently.  And it's so true.  Whereas before I would turn to my friends for comfort and encouragement, now I am turning to my family and to God.  Don't get me wrong, I still strongly believe in the importance of community, but I am also so thankful for the blessing of family and I am learning to enjoy them so much more.  I'm having fun developing traditions for just the five of us.  My marriage has been strengthened so much by our time here.  Just recently Brad commented that he has seen a part of my heart that he never saw before we moved here.  I have seen my husband step up in ways I've never experienced before.  I have seen him truly take the lead as the spiritual head of our family.  It's a beautiful, messy, hard, wonderful work that is being done in our family.

But there is even more being done.  I am getting to know my Savior more.  The community that we are so blessed to be a part of is just amazing.  I have never seen people care for each other this way before.  It is so hard to put into words what an amazing, special place this is.  And I am so thankful to be a part of it.  I see the hands and feet of Jesus lived out in this community every day.  I see God's people broken and I cannot ignore it.  I have come to realize that where we used to live, it was so easy to ignore certain group of hurting people.  Here, that's not possible.  There are children in my son's class who cannot afford a winter coat.  Children in my community who don't have running water or electricity.  And my heart breaks for them.  They cannot be ignored because I am faced with them almost every day.  Sure, I can still turn away, but God is breaking my heart.  Just like his heart breaks for them.  And I honestly don't know what that means for me or my family, but I know that God is turning this into something beautiful.  I am catching a glimpse of God's heart lived out through his people and it is truly a beautiful thing.  I cannot wait to see what part he will have me play, but for now I will sit back and allow him to do his work in me to prepare me for what is to come.

In closing, I want to leave you with the words to the song that Brad and I have dubbed our "Rehoboth Song."  We sang this song at church on our first Sunday here.  In the middle of the song, we both looked at each other over the tops of our sons' heads with tears streaming down our faces, knowing that this is where God wants us.  And we have no idea what lies ahead, but we are His and so we will trust.

Oceans by Hillsong
 You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise my soul will rest in your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and you won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise
My soul will rest in your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine